Full Feather

I can never seem to decide whether or not I actually have the power to control my climbing. Sometimes it feels like I can try as hard as I can but my actions mean nothing. I remember a day in Rocklands, trying the 25ft tall "Splash of Red" in amazingly terrible conditions. There was a huge crew of people throwing down, joking around and taking massive falls onto soaking wet pads. It was the best community feeling I have ever experienced in climbing. All my friends crushed the boulder easily, and I every time I pulled on I would be so happy and excited to start climbing. But I couldn't even hang onto the holds, my skin felt like it was melting off, and each go would slice holes into my tips. I couldn't even get to the crux.. Almost everyone else sent, and I felt pretty sad I couldn't share the excitement of topping out into the crazy rainstorm. The next day I didn't even bother warming up, and climbed to the top of the boulder easily. There was no doubt in my mind.

That rainy day kind of screwed me up, or maybe it was symptomatic of my body being destroyed, but the whole rest of my trip felt I like I was wavering back in forth over having control of my body. My mind truly felt happy, I didn't feel burnt out on projecting, or like I was craving sends, but I would continue to have moves I had previously done feel completely physically impossible. 

I realized that there is not much I can do to prevent this from happening, but I can change my mental game a lot. 

Last year, Liam and I were messing around on some boulder I had been told was an old school v5. We played around on for a bit, and pretty quickly realized it wasn't the problem we thought it was. Then I was like, 'maybe you can just dyno' and tried to jump through the problem. I hit the ground and said 'maybe jan hojer could do this' and pretty much gave up. I gave it a few more goes, and got a few inches closer every time. I still thought it was v13, but came back a week or so later, and gave it  fifty-plus tries and realized it was actually very doable. I had to come back on day 3 to put it together, naming it "Whitefeather" after a raven in a study I was reading about. The day I did it, I cleaned the straight-up topout, (as whitefeather traverses a juggy crack out left after the dyno.) The traverse off is the natural easiest line, but I always had the direct topout project stashed away in the back of my head. 

The other day I went out with a rope, and tried the direct finish again. The finish adds quite a bit of climbing- from the slot you dyno into on Whitefeather, you match, and step your feet up onto two okay footholds, and do a big deadpoint over the bulge to a slopey slot. This move is quite big, and I stick it pretty much fully extended off the higher of the two feet. Then I match the slot, shuffle around a little bit and do another full extension move over the next little overhang and slap a big sloper. Then I wiggle my foot to the very edge of the foothold and do a big right hand bump to a flat slot. In this position I am completely maxed out on the foot, and my face is pressed above the overhang so I can't look down or see my feet. At this point I am pretty high up, and the landing is pretty terrible, with a big protruding rock and big hillside that you probably wouldn't fall down but isn't the kind of thing you want to test out. The next move is what makes it for me. From this extremely spanned out position, you kick your heel up just above your left hand in the sloping slot, and pull up onto it, tag the intermediate sloper, rock onto the heel, tag another sloper, and then reach all the way back to a slopey undercling pinch. Then you switch the heel to a toe and mantle up to safety. 

Looking down off the top   "No" 

I spent a lot of time up there on a rope, at first I stood up there, looked down at the pads and the landing and just said out loud "no". I started trying the moves anyways, falling off, scrubbing move lichen, trying all kinds of sequences. At first I thought the top was going to be just terrible campusing and beached-whaling up dirty slopers, and wanted nothing to do with it. Once I figured out there was actually a sequence of rock climbing moves I felt a bit better, and then I figured out the high heel hook and got so happy. I was like 'wow this defies everything I know about highballing, you're never supposed to put yourself in body positions where it's not okay to fall off.' I was still hesitant, but after spending over an hour up there, doing the whole top boulder clean 5 or so times, I felt like it could potentially be worth the risk.  

Whitefeather in blue, VS Full Feather in yellow

I figured since I was doing the "full" line, I might as well do it from a sit start too, since there is an obvious jug down there. The sit adds just 4 moves of v5 or v6ish climbing, but the dyno is so low percentage on its own this became a mini nightmare. I would try the dyno in isolation- get super close- sit at the start- look up at the topout- my heart would start beating really fast- i'd start climbing- and not even come close on the dyno. I realized that I needed to not think about the topout until I stuck the jug. I stopped wearing my chalk bag. 

I always liked hanging around at that boulder, there is a nice view down the the river and across the valley, and I fell back into my routine from when I was trying whitefeather of having a go, taking my shoes off, walk down the trail for a couple minutes, walk back, have a go, repeat. The light was all golden and every go felt like I was going to do it. I got angry a few times, cursing myself for having a gym session earlier in the day, as it felt like that tiny lack of energy was going to make the difference between success and failure. I had one last go as it was getting dark and did it. I growled a lot at the top, but never ever let myself think about the landing or what would happen if I fell off. I felt in control of my mind, and maybe that is what really matters. 

The Full Feather (V12)  notice the high chalked holds. 

Anyways, its a really cool boulder that I think is a really good and unique mix of doing decently bold and scary climbing combined with a single very hard move. Anyways, I called the whole line "The Full Feather" and think it's one of the climbs i'm most proud of putting up, especially on my own.

--Kai